But like why do weddings make me so emotional?

December 13, 2023 

Dear Diary,

I’m not the only one, it’s not just me. But I get real emotional at weddings. And it’s not always the same thing that cues the waterworks for me. It could be my first sighting of the parents, it could the ring bearer, or watching the groom fight to hold it together as his love walks down the aisle. Sometimes, I don’t cry at all, I just nurse this short of overwhelming feeling of elation and peace. Like I said, it’s never the same thing, but no matter what, I know the wedding will take me on an emotional journey of all the feels. 

But like why do I get so emotional at weddings? I’ve had some time to think about it. I'm the most emotional when I know the couple. I know their story. I know the struggles of their single days. I know the how of how they met, what made her say yes to a second date or what caused him to pursue her in the first place. I know their love story. And in the final culminating moment of their life journey as a single-unit, all these stories bombard me all at once. I’m reliving the moments that led to that day. I’m imagining their joy and relief, while living in a tangible moment of real love. So I cry. I sob, sometimes. Celebrating the moment with cleansing Esther-made rain. They do say it's good luck when it rains on your wedding day. 🤷🏾

Since we’re talking about weddings, we also need to talk about being a wedding guest without a plus one. Aka, you’re single, and everyone else around you is partnered. The plus one partnered, not the “I paid him to be here, and we later fell madly in love” romcom partnered. One by one as my close friends and family got married, I had less and less single friends to room with and make dance circles with on the dance floor. Until it was just me (at least in some friend circles). There’s nothing that reminds you more of your singleness than being single at a wedding. I mean… the thoughts that run through my mind - how did I get here? I bet I’ll get pity dragged onto the dance floor. Dang, not one interested single man in this place? Will my guests be too old to dance at my wedding? What even is life? - And so on. Most days I enjoy being single. But weddings really bring it out of me. They can make me feel hallowed out. A palpable sense of emptiness I can’t shake for the whole day, sometimes the whole weekend. If I’m being honest there’s also a sense of inadequacy. Because as wonderful, witty, and just downright amazing as I am - why am I sitting alone in a beautifully decorated wedding space? But the weddings are getting fewer and farther between; because, “life math.” 

 

Dedicating this song to my future husband: Beyond by Amel Larrieux