A Love Letter

February 1, 2025

Dear Diary,

Last year, I embarked on a journey of Esther discovery. A journey entirely incited by my anxiety. Thanks, anxiety 😏. After my first therapy session, I left feeling angry. I was pissed actually. Because when, how, and when again - did I lose sight of myself? I couldn't answer simple questions my therapist asked about things I liked. [I was totally living in real life, in real time, the scene from Runaway Bride where Maggie, Julia Roberts’ character realized she didn’t know how she liked her eggs].

I didn’t know if my actions were because I wanted to please the person asking me to do something, or because I truly wanted to do that thing. Who was this person? And where did she come from? How do I reconcile her with the Esther I grew up with? I mean, did I ever know the Esther I grew up with? These were just some of the questions I wrestled with last year. But I thank God for the amazing people He brought into my life during this journey. People who championed me and helped me navigate and learn to read my compass (because honestly, directions are hard).

It’s been over a year since I started my Esther journey, and despite my rough start, it’s going well now. No, better than well. It’s going great now. I am determined to continue learning, achieving, and growing on this journey. And I vow to always fight for myself. I deserve it. Phew, that was hard to say.  

To celebrate you, and all you’ve accomplished so far (while knowing the best is yet to come), Esther this is a love letter to you: 

Dear Esther, 

Hey you. I may have never said this to you before, and I am sorry it’s taken me so long to do it. But I love you. I love you! All of you. I love the imperfections you desperately want to perfect. I love your smile. I love your hair, even though it doesn’t grow the way you want it to. I love the way you walk and dance through life. I love your body. Oh the adventures you’ve experienced and the distant places you’ve seen because of your body, in your body. I love your skin, your chocolate brown; the color of warmth and the earth. It really suits you and compliments you in the best of ways. 

You are a radiant light, a source of joy to everyone you meet. You unhesitatingly hold the dreams of others, often believing in their dreams harder than the dreamer. Oh and your eyes, if only the world could behold the beauty of your eyes.😍 I love how much you love completely. You’re always all in when you love. Then there’s your compassion and your radiant heart. You see the world as something to be cherished, and live your life cherishing it. 

For goodness sake you’re named after a queen! That basically makes you royalty. I’m sure that’s how that works, and if not - everyone is wrong. Esther also means star, so lift your head up, dare to take space, live outside the fear of your emotions, dream bigger still, and shine like the remarkable star you are.

I dedicate this song to me: Beautiful by Mali Music