Making Friends in my 30's

January 18, 2023 

Dear Diary, 

When I decided to move to France as a single woman, I knew I would face some challenges. The biggest being I understand a little bit of French, and speak even less. One of my favorite things to say now is “je parle un peu de Français” - “I speak a little bit of French”, and I want to manage your expectation about how this interaction is going to go down. The response I receive is varied – most people get it, and either stop talking to me altogether (not common), or ask if I speak English then switch to speaking to me in English. 

So… how do I build a community here? Don’t worry I’m not trying to be overly ambitious with this, I am not trying to acquire as many friends as I have back home. I just need a few. Somewhere in the ballpark of like 20, that’s not too much right (hahaha - look, some people collect chachkies, I collect people/make friends). I honestly don’t know how people my age make friends outside of school, work, and friends of friends. When I arrived in Carcassonne many weeks ago now (geez it’s been a minute!) I knew one person (Marion), and I would be meeting her for the first time. Thankfully, people suggested sources for networking for me to tap into. I just needed to meet people open to meeting me, then I could dazzle them with my personality and wit. 🥴

So I turned to Facebook. Who knew that the platform I’ve been using (for about a decade now) to only binge watch cute baby and pet videos, military homecoming videos, and random funny clips – would be a treasure trove for networking and making friends. I started with the group Expats in France, and from there I was directed to English Speakers in Carcassonne and other expat groups. And would you know after one post, I received several messages from locals willing to meet with me (aka potential new friends!). The first person to message me was Mel, a Jamaican woman from the UK. I cannot begin to tell you how excited I was to meet another black woman in France. She and I went to lunch, and I learned so much about my new hometown. I learned that she and her family came to Carcassonne for vacation and while here they stumbled on a home they loved, put in an offer and bought it. She thinks it was crazy, but I argued that they were brave; it’s no crazier than what I'm doing. And let's be honest they are three plus years into their move here, and the entire family is thriving, crazy? I think not. 

I got another message from Valerie, she was born in France, but has lived in the UK and Australia most of her adult life. She and I met for coffee at Katia. N. This was my first time at Katia. N (where I had the best hot chocolate of my life), and is now one of my favorite cafés/pastry shops in Carcassonne. Valerie and I talked easily for hours, just trading stories about our lives and how we ended up here. Then I learned about the weekly English speakers meeting at The Celt (one of two Irish pubs in town) on Thursday evenings. There I met other wonderful people from all over. One Canadian couple that’s now retired and spend 6-10 months somewhere other than Canada. Another, a French couple that recently moved back to France after living in the US for 22+ years. 

Then Valerie introduced me to Ann Young. My darling new friend Ann - who is the sort of friend everyone needs in their life. You know how people describe a kind person as someone who would give you the shirt off their backs? For me it’s always just been a saying - until I met Ann. She doesn’t think twice before extending help, and if you’re a stray cat or dog, pish you’re set for life. Even though I met Ann a few weeks ago, she and her husband (James) have quickly become an integral part of my life here in Carcassonne. There will be much more to come on Ann and James, the world needs to hear their story.

So, I’ve got friends now – ✅. But I want to make French friends. I have a brilliant plan for this. There are a few places I’ve visited enough times where the workers now recognize me. There’s Katia N., KOWOK (a thai fusion restaurant I’ve visited enough times to be embarrassed - the last time I went, the guy smiled fondly and recited my order before I said anything, and his coworker asked if I was the English speaking girl. Yes, yes, I am), and Au Peche Mignon (lovely bakery that has the most delicious chocolate chip mini bread things) . I will work up the courage to ask one of them on a friend date. I don’t know if that’s a thing, but it should be.

Worth a listen (on repeat): The Only Reason, by JP Cooper