CBS and I don't care?

December 9, 2022 

Dear Diary, 

I have a serious case of CBS, (aka cute boy syndrome). Don’t worry, it’s not serious, well it does negatively affect my social life, but aside from that it’s benign. I coined the phrase years ago with my friend Monica while studying abroad in England where my brain would short circuit multiple times a day. What is CBS? Great question, I’m glad you asked. It is my inability to think, react, or even function normally when in the presence of someone I find incredibly attractive. It is rather pathetic at worst, and at best - annoyingly endearing. Any time a really attractive man approaches me without warning, and no time to mentally process and check myself - I lose my ability to formulate words. I become a dunce (sorry to the dunces), and I just cannot cope. 

For example, years ago an attractive coworker, (just being friendly) stopped to say hi when our paths crossed. Before leaving he put his fist out for a bump, and for some reason I processed that as a handshake and shook his fist. I shook the man's fist!!! 😬 Another time, while interning at OAG in DC, the hottest attorney in the office being nice, often engaged with us interns. One day, he started chatting with me and my friend; CBS kicked in and my brain stopped, just stopped. And for no reason, no reason at all – my mouth started moving and asked if he knew that dimples were a genetic mutation (a fun fact I learned from my high school chemistry teacher). Oh it didn’t end there, I summed it up by saying he and I are basically mutants, and dimples are our superpower. In my defense, you have to realize, at this moment my brain isn’t functioning properly. My accomplished ability to read cues and read people isn’t firing as it should. So I was missing all the cues, and my mouth kept moving without my consent. In these situations it’s all or nothing, CBS either renders me speechless, or turns me into a nonsensical motormouth. In response, he gave me that awkward laugh-cough, followed by a tight smile and then walked away. Yea we never talked again. But, he’s welcome, I bet he didn’t know he was a mutant, and now he does. Wonder if he’s shared that fact with others… 

Dimples = superpower

This is all to say I had a CBS moment today. The day started with a noble mission: find a crossbody bag. And while on this quest, wandering the streets of Carcassonne, I had my first sighting of some of the Carcassonne rugby players. We were walking towards each other on the sidewalk, and I completely lost the little bit of sense I started the day with. All I wanted to do was stare, but I couldn’t, and kept yelling at myself (internally of course) to stop looking for fear they would notice and discover my interest. It’s all hazy now, but it’s a wonder I didn’t faint. Like this isn’t normal right? Phew, I just have to keep reminding myself that I am a fearfully and wonderfully made mess. 

Life lesson: if you’re ill, please seek medical help. If you suffer from CBS, pray; only God can save us.